Thursday, February 3, 2011


i don't exactly know how to explain it but there are some moments late at night when my son has woken up for whatever reason it may be and he's laying on my chest asleep while i rock him(even though he's almost longer than the length of me when he's all sprawled out now) in my great-grandmother's rocker...that i just feel completely at's like i'm whole again...a part of me has been missing and with him on my chest and my stomach...that part of me is back...when he's not with me he's in my thoughts...i have so much respect for women who give there babies up for adoption...i can never imagine giving up this person who you lived with, felt , provided for, fell in love with! over 10 months...i remember when i was pregnant people saying to me oh just wait til you see that face you just fall in love instantly! and thinking but i already love him...but every day i get to know this amazing little person better i fall more and more in love with went through hours of pain like you've never known before, to bring them safely into this world...and because you love them you would not take one bit of any of it away...and in that case you love them so much that you want to give them what you know you cannot...i can't imagine much respect! every day i see this scar on my stomach...some days feel the pain it brings...and i remember..i remember hearing the most amazing sound i will ever hear...that first cry...and the peace and sheer joy...and i remember the fear i felt during the surgery after Ben and Hunter were gone...and praying over and over again that i would be there for my son and husband...i could see that sweet face and hold him...that's all i wanted...i can't imagine looking at that scar and then not looking at that sweet face and seeing what it was all for...i don't know where this is coming from i was just thinking about it...alot of respect! i cannot wait to do it again!!! if i was rich i would be barefoot and pregnant! i just cannot wait!! it will be a while before we have another baby...with school and work and moving etc...but oh how i wish!! and i know it sounds weird but i hope i don't have a i got my husband to agree to 4 if by 3 we haven't had a girl little girl up in heaven you need to come last!! ya hear me Miss Molly!

Sunday, January 9, 2011


So even though my baby boy is 8 months old and usually a great sleeper(12 hours a night)....last night(i wrote this last night actually but my son woke up before i could post it) was not one of those nights...230am, i hear him, i go in pick him up and we sway....he's decided he's over being held like a baby so he lays down on my chest...we're swaying, i'm thinking he'll just go back to sleep...then all of a sudden my hand feels wet and my stomach begins to feel've got to be kidding me?!?! this was the second time that night he had an overflow diaper...and at the longest(except for when he's sleeping) he gets changed every 2 hours so it's not like we let him sit in the same diaper forever...he had been sitting in his high chair after dinner and ben had changed him not that long ago...we were cleanin up the kitchen so we left him in the high chair watching us with his sippy cup and a snack...he started fussin a little so i go get him out...i pick him up and he is literally soaked...poor thing!!! i felt awful! i thought he was just fussing because he wanted attention and out of his high chair...i held him out and had ben strip him and run bath water while i went to clean him up a bit and attack that diaper which he had also pooped in...he did have two 10oz bottles that day (plus two more and food and some water) atleast i know he's hydrated! anyways needless to say i was not in the best mood after being peed on at 230 in the child thought it was great! he smiles at me like it's a game...then he decides he's over his bed and screams whenever i try and put him in i decide we'll just sleep on the couch...he falls asleep on my chest pretty quickly but apparently he's going to be that kid with the feet in your face because i swear he could not sit still!!! i got no sleep...i think i finally got him laid down for under an hour in his crib to sleep then back with me on the couch...finally at 730 he woke up for the day...i go in and ask ben to please get up with him because i did not get any sleep last night...he gets up! i love him so much at those moments;-) so i pass out for a few husband informs me when i get up that he went right down to sleep not long after i did...without a single fuss he just laid him in his bed and he went right to sleep...i wanted to slap that proud look off his face...yes he does lay down better for Ben...which i just want to immaturely respond and stick my tongue out at him on that one! OK so skip forward to tonight....i get peed on again!!! he goes down early right before 7 because he's tired from not sleeping great the night before...couple hours later he wakes up(he hadn't really eaten his last bottle)...he downs 7oz rather quickly and then we rock and then he toots very loudly on me and then he pooped...oh wonderful like the 5th one i go to change him, barely have his diaper off, he's all clean, bout to put the clean diaper on and i see him make a face then i look down and realize yep the fountain is up and working! all over my leg and himself and a little on the couch...ben on the other couch begins loudly laughing...really!!! two times...he never even really did that when he was little bitty! oh the joys of having a boy! never thought i'd get peed on and it wouldn't gross me his two top teeth are coming in alot more, you can see them when he's so cute and funny looking...he is of course grinning all over himself while i'm trying to cover him up and start cleaning us both up! he's so proud...he's all boy! oh he also got his first bloody lip today:( Ben was so proud...he was standing at his leap frog table and was bending down to grab a toy on the ground...well he ending up putting his foot on it and slipped and hit the table...he of course began to cry(i was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, ben was out there with him) so i look out to see and ben was picking him up so i finish in the bathroom...ben goes can you get me a towel...i come out asking what happened he starts to tell me...i flip out when i see him and he's got blood on his chin! oh my gosh! I've never seen blood on my baby!!! i automatically wipe his face and start looking to see...he won't let me look in his mouth...he's no longer crying just smiling at his mommy freaking out...i couldn't find a of his teeth must have nicked something when he fell...he could have cared less...i picked him up and he started talking to Ben and grinning....i am out numbered by curious boys who think getting a bloody lip is funny...oh lord help me!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I'm gonna do it!

I absolutely refuse to call this a new year’s resolution because I feel like that’s the kiss of death! Lol although I do have many I have made for myself in my head! Anyways I am determined I am going to write a blog either every day or every other day….about my little man. He is growing so fast and learning new things all the time and he just is amazing! I don’t want to forget these moments! Like today, I swear he refused to say mama the whole time we were out of town but now that we’re home every other word (well I say word it’s his own special language) is mama! Which I mean I love except when he’s whining because he’s just so tired but doesn’t want to miss a thing! And then tonight he was laying on me on the couch and ben was in the kitchen…we were playing and cuddling and I say where’s daddy??? Where’d he go? And he looks almost off the couch grinning into the kitchen…it was the cutest thing~! And he did it every time I asked him! Ha I love that he’s learned who we are and what our names are….sometimes I forget he’s only 8 months old because he’s just so funny and his little personality is so strong! Sometimes I expect him to just start talking to me…the past couple days he’s been very cuddly(he doesn’t feel great because of a cold and teeth so he’s my fulltime buddy)…I’ll wrap my arms around him and he puts his arms around my neck and I’ll kiss his neck then he’ll lean into my face mouth open to give me kisses…I LOVE IT! I literally need a stronger word than love….i mean how sweet is that??!?!?! I gotta admit though I did lose my patience a couple times today…I still don’t feel good and today wasn’t a good day for that…and I couldn’t even walk into the bathroom without hunter following me and pulling on my pant leg…it was just one of those days…and he didn’t really get a good nap at all…but as soon as you look at that face grinning at you crawling towards you can’t help but smile…there is NO SUCH THING as a day off in mommyville…to all of my friends who think I have it easy because I don’t have a “job”…I have a job…it’s 24 hours a day seven days a week and I work holidays! But I am very blessed because I am able to stay home with my little boy! Anyways he is learning so much so quickly…he can move from the couch to the ottoman and will stand there basically by himself but with one hand on the couch just in case…he’s learned how to pick things up off the ground by bending his knees and getting back up…a lot less falling going on now…he is into EVERYTHING! You tell him no and he just turns and grins at you(I am in so much trouble)…if he sees something he’s not supposed to have free where he can get it(we’re still getting used to having to babyproof) he will look around and see who’s watching then grin and crawl like the wind huffin and puffin to get to it while he can…it’s so funny!  He also has his two front teeth and one on the bottom…there broken through but not completely out though….and we think he’s actually getting one of his canines already! I have never seen such big teeth on a baby! It cracks me up! He’s gonna be our little bugs bunnyJ he thinks it’s funny to grab my foot and bite it…not sure bout that one but it’s cute! Ok well I’m sure I will remember more later….but first look at this cuteness!! how can you resist?