Awake, so why not!

So it is 1:31 am to be exact! yep i no longer sleep...and well i'm thinkin maybe it's good, i've definitely gotten used to it...ya know by the time i become that exhausted, haggard new mom?! So today was just one of those days....ya know the ones where at one point you want to completely slap someone across the face and then another you could burst into tears and become a weeping mess...oh how lovely i felt today!
so i went on my labor and delivery tour today! how fun does that sound? oh and i also got to go alone because ben had to go to physical therapy...i had to hold my irrational hormones from getting ahold of my tongue over that one...i don't like walking around by myself places anymore...i feel like i have a big sign on me that saying hey big ol' pregnant lady here....stare and wonder! oh and possibly touch! i thought that we would just go to the L&D floor and they would show us around...WRONG...we meet in the OB clinic...which just going there make my blood boil because of the doc appts or lack there of that i have had there...ok so me and the other group of preggos and a few lucky husbands are off...so yes i am not a nice person i have realized that...at least i'm not in my head sometimes....one girl was barely looking pregnant but she looked so cute with her little outfit and constant smile i couldn't even be annoyed by her...another wore capris, and then ankle socks with her slip on shoes...ok can we say pet peeve?! and then there was another girl who was cute and made me atleast not feel like the "lone whale"(she was not a whale but atleast looked as pregnant as i did)...another who i didn't believe was pregnant til she sat down and started rubbing her itty bitty belly...and then she would randomly grimace as the kid kicked her...i really wanted to yell "honey, you've got a misquito bite for a belly how in the world can you be in enough pain to grimace...let's switch babies for a while...you might be in the floor if you think that's bad!"...did i mention the i will slap you mood?! ok wow sorry that was long...so we barely leave the clinic and she stops us in front of the main doors!! are you serious!? and then talks loudly about this is the main desk blah blah blah...as people are walking around us and looking...so i stare at my phone and remember I HATE TOURING PLACES! so then we barely walk again and she shows us the admissions office...really that's what that is? the big sign in front of it did nothing for me! ok so we finally get to go the the elevators and go to teh postpartum floor....halelujah...we get on and one of the girls who has a stroller with a little girl with her gets one last...the doors close and she goes oh yeah she hates elevators...the kids starts screaming!!!! seriously?! you obviously know where everything is you just did this the kid isn't even 2! she doesn't pick the kid up nothing...just lets us all enjoy the ride! oh wow sorry i'm really not trying to be a witch....just can't help it sometimes! ok so i'll try and finish this up we tour the postpartum rooms(can we say claustrophobia?!?!? even if i can't spell it) and then the labor and delivery rooms(surprisingly nice)....so then the lady goes ok well i have a video for y'all it's only about 30 min...yahoo! gotta love educational television....so we start the video and ok no naked women screaming this is manageable...it explains everything anyone who has done any reading already knows...and interviewing moms etc...then it's starts talking about crowning and delivery and bam! without warning....crotch shot!! hello i do not want to see that!!! "and this is what this looks like!" oh my i didn't ask!!! so then they proceed to show the buck naked women(can someone please explain to me why she didn't even have a gown or bra on? i mean you know people are filming you!) have her baby...i'm sorry if this offends i know it is the 'miracle of life' and it is amazing, which it is....but there is nothign beautiful about that! no one should be subjected to seeing that! if they bring one of those stupid mirrors in when i'm having my baby i might go ahead and kick someone in the head...i'm already feelin it, i don't need to see it! ok?! oh oh oh and can i please mention this was a video made in the 80s! that makes it like 20 times different....grooming was a little different then! ok so anyways yay! the white-covered, gooey, goblin-looking child is born(don't deny it you know what i'm talking about, yes babies are beautiful but they look like little goblins right after they're born)....ok so i think there not gonna show anymore of that....WRONG...hello placenta....wow i might have gagged a bit...i've become nauseous again the last few days...and the end....aw happy new family...woman still naked....SO there is my L&D tour story...i know you wish you could've been there!!